How should you behave when dating on the internet? Do pick-up lines actually work? What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve experienced after meeting someone off a dating app? We decided to get together a group of girls to answer these questions and more and started by asking which app they think is the best.
Ásdís: “Tinder is the only dating app that I’ve used properly. It seems like there are not a lot of dating apps out there especially made for lesbians, at least not ones that are used much in Iceland, but I could be wrong.”
Alda Karen: “Tinder, without a doubt. I found my soulmate on it. I also thought it was the most fun app.”
Sóldögg: “Tinder, because it’s the only one that I’ve tried.”
Guðný: “I think it’s the app Hot or Not.”
“I choose Tinder because it is used by more people in Iceland and in other parts of the world.”
Helga: “Tinder! There are like three queer, Icelandic girls on the other apps.”
Inga Dóra: “I don’t know which is the best but I’ve used Tinder since it seems that there are the most people on that app. I think the other apps are more for guys but I must admit that I have no idea.”
Sólrún: “I choose Tinder because it is being used by more people in Iceland and in other parts of the world. I’ve tried an app called Her but I didn’t find any users in Iceland so I deleted that account and stuck to Tinder.”
Sandra: “The only one I’ve really used is Tinder. It’s alright. My experience has mostly been that people match, then either a bit of conversation follows, which then dies out, or people don’t say anything or don’t answer. But, then you can match with someone amazing, which I did! We’ve gone on a few dates now and it’s going really well.”
What are you looking for? What turns you on?
Sólrún: “I’m looking for a girl to get to know and hopefully hit it off with. I like it when they’re a tease and are hard to get.”
Sandra: “Heh, nothing that really turns me on, so to speak, being asexual. But mostly I look for mutual openness, similar humor to my own and just being likeable (which of course is very subjective). I basically just have to like you and enjoy your company.”
Inga Dóra: “I’m more into people that live a healthy life, have worked on themselves, that know their boundaries and want to live in the now. I’m more into assertive girls who are not too obsessed with their looks.”
Do you use pick-up lines?
Alda Karen: “Yes I did, some time ago. The worst one I used was without a doubt: ‘Hey, I’ve got two tickets to the movies. Should I ask my mom or my dad with me?’ I still don’t understand why that one worked.”
Ásdís: “I can’t say that I do. But it’s always nice to say something more than: ‘Hi’. Compliments will get you far.”
Guðný: “Oh, God no. They are too cringe worthy for me. I just curl up in a ball and start to stutter.”
Helga: “I’ve used a few. They were not all good but many were very effective! One of my favorites is: ‘I’m ovulating. Are you interested?’”
“The worst one was definitely: “If beauty was measured in gallons of milk you would be a total cow.”
Inga Dóra: “I don’t think anyone uses pick-up line today, and I doubt anyone has ever used them seriously. But I know some terrible ones like licking your finger, running it across the “prey’s” clothing and saying: ‘Should we go to my place so you can take off those wet clothes?’ Another one I recall is looking at the clothing label of the “prey” and then saying: ‘I just wanted to see if it said Made in heaven.’ And one short one: ‘What do you want for breakfast?’”
Best pick-up line you’ve received? Did it work?
Sólrún: “I still haven’t received the golden pick-up line.”
Sóldögg: “’Do you have a band-aid ‘cause I just scraped my knee falling for you.’ And no, unfortunately it didn’t work.”
Ásdís: “I got the best one at a concert, not on the internet. A girl walked up to me and said: ‘I think you’re the best kisser here.’ When I asked her how she knew she said: “I don’t, but I want to.” It’s always fun when people are creative.”
Alda Karen: “The best pick-up line I’ve received is: ‘Hey, didn’t we forget to go out for dinner?’… We didn’t go out for dinner.”
What about the worst one?
Alda Karen: “The worst one was without a doubt: “Hey, didn’t we sleep together?” I of course corrected that misunderstanding and told this total stranger that it would probably never happen.”
Guðný: “’Hey, want to see my boyfriend’s dick?’ I didn’t reply.”
Helga: “The worst one was definitely: ‘If beauty was measured in gallons of milk, you would be a total cow’.”
Sóldögg: “’Roses are red, violets are blue, we’re a match on Tinder so I think we should screw.’ I received that one once and I didn’t reply.”
The most embarrassing thing you’ve experienced
after deciding to meet someone?
Sólrún: “I went to the movies with one girl I met on Tinder and she though it was appropriate to sneak in under my pants and… well, you know the rest. The worst thing about it was that it happened during a comedy and I sat there laughing, in hopes she would take the hint that this was not the time and place to pull a stunt like that.”
“I was dragged into the woods with one girl who had made a little shelter and a bench to sit on. There we spent the entire evening, by the fire and talked about anything and everything.”
Guðný: “I think the most awkward moment was when I went to a café with a woman and she couldn’t stop talking about how beautiful our children would be. That was the first date and the last.”
Alda Karen: “I’ve only once had a date with a person from Tinder. I accidentally met my soul mate. And then my dating app story ended. Quite embarrassing.”
What about the most fun thing?
Guðný: “Probably when I was dragged into the woods with one girl who had made a little shelter and a bench to sit on. There we spent the entire evening, by the fire and talked about anything and everything.”
Helga: “I went camping all the way to Egilsstaðir.”
Sandra: “Meeting up for a talk given by famous trans and genderqueer feminists. That’s a very good date! And from that came a few other dates. I’m very excited for the next one!”
Sólrún: “When I visited a girl and we got drunk and did jigsaw puzzles for six hours.”
Do you meet tourist or locals or both?
Guðný: “I must admit that I rather go for tourist but sometimes I meet up with locals.”
Helga: “Just the ones that I want to meet.”
Sóldögg: “I meet up with both locals and tourists. But I think it’s the most fun to meet people while I’m travelling.”
Why do you use dating apps? Are they better
for meeting people than conventional methods?
Sandra: “To meet people, or that’s been my intention at least. I’m garbage at talking with people face to face, if I don’t know them. So getting to know someone a bit helps a lot. It’s also a bit of a confidence boost to know the other person was interested enough to swipe right.”
Sóldögg: “Simply because I love meeting new people. I wouldn’t say it’s a better way than any other – it’s just one way of meeting people.”
Inga Dóra: “I’ve used Tinder as an opportunity to meet people who I wouldn’t normally get to know or wouldn’t notice on a day to day basis. I prefer meeting people through friends or hobbies but I also like trying something new.”
“Personally, I use dating apps mainly for one night stands. But I wouldn’t say it’s necessary or better than other ways. Just different. It depends on what works for you.”
Guðný: “I use dating apps because I live in the country. The gaydar doesn’t work that well in the small town I live in.”
Ásdís: “Personally, I use dating apps mainly for one night stands. But I wouldn’t say it’s necessary or better than other ways. Just different. It depends on what works for you. I can be very shy in person and that is why I like using dating apps. Less stressful.”
Alda Karen: “It’s much easier getting to know people on dating apps than out on the town. I also thought it was more fun.”
What makes a profile interesting?
Alda Karen: “A fun bio and cute pics. A photo of you with cute animals can’t go wrong.”
Helga: “I think it’s fun when the photos have captions but I’m also a sucker for beautiful smiles.”
Inga Dóra: “People with sincere smiles.”
Sóldögg: “I love to read the sentence: “Love to travel”, in the bio and to see pics from all over the world.”
How should you not behave on dating apps?
Sandra: “Don’t be a dick or an ass, though I’ve mostly gotten that from guys on dating sites (even though I always describe myself as a lesbian), stuff like unsolicited dick pics and stories about what they want to do to my vagina (even though I don’t have one yet, which is kinda funny).
But yeah, if you match with someone, at least say: “Hi”. And if you sense that things aren’t going anywhere, just say so. Politely, though!”
Sólrún: “Don’t send nudes. Don’t use too many emojis. Don’t be too eager.”
Helga: “Don’t send people you don’t know photos of your kids. That’s very strange!”
Ásdís: “Don’t be a dick. Don’t meet a person, say you’re going to be in touch and then ignore that person. That’s just mean.”
Alda Karen: “Don’t be a creep. Don’t say you’ve slept with someone just to start a conversation, you creep.”
Ever experienced prejudice on dating apps?
Ásdís: “No, not personally. People seem to know their manners on dating apps.”
Guðný: “I’ve just had guys being offended because I don’t want to sleep with them. It’s clear that sometimes they don’t understand what being a lesbian means.”
Sandra: “Nope, but then I do live in my precious bubble most of the time. I’ve not had anyone match with me and then go all: “Ew!” about my being trans. But then I state it on my profile, so it would be weird if that happened.”
Any other advice – say for beginners?
Sandra: “Well, be honest about yourself. Though I’m guessing I don’t get a lot of action on Tinder because I probably have a somewhat off putting profile; I make it clear that I’m trans, I’m asexual and I’m vegan (which is probably what puts most people off, more so than being trans). I suppose that works as a decent filter and only awesome people remain. I at least got very lucky and matched with someone wonderful.”
Sólrún: “Don’t add someone on Snapchat or Facebook unless you’ve matched. You get a big plus if you ask for permission.”
Helga: “Don’t have family photos in there, that’s just too much. Don’t just have one photo either. Put it in your bio if you’re looking for something specific. Don’t meet someone at your place or theirs – meet them at a public place.”
Ásdís: “Meet a person at a café or another public place. One night stands can be fun but it’s good to be 100 percent safe. So get yourself checked regularly, every three months for example. And use protection, guys!”
“And be safe in every aspect. You never know who you’re meeting so a public place like a café is the best place for a first date.”
Alda Karen: “A good photo is everything! And be safe and let your friends know who you’re meeting off dating apps and where you meet. Get together during week nights and not during the weekends.”
Guðný: “A good photo is key but don’t use any filters. You can do that on Instagram. Tell the person what you want and what you don’t want in regards to sex. Safe sex is a must but there is not a lot of protection out there for women into women. And be safe in every aspect. You never know who you’re meeting so a public place like a café is the best place for a first date.”
Alda Karen Hjaltalín
Ásdís Margrét Ólafsdóttir
Guðný Erla Guðjónsdóttir
Inga Dóra Guðmundsdóttir
Sandra Rós Hrefnu Jónsdóttir
Sólrún Klara Þórisdóttir
Alda Karen • Ásdís Margrét • Guðný Erla • Helga • Inga Dóra • Sandra Rós • Sóldögg • Sólrún Klara