Veiga Grétarsdóttir Sulebust talks about her literal and figurative journeys.
Veiga Grétarsdóttir Sulebust is very familiar with rising to the challenge of difficult but fulfilling voyages. Having kayaked the circumference of Iceland against the ocean currents–the first and so far only person to do so–she has demonstrated great physical strength and determination. By the same token, having come out as trans at nearly 40 years of age, she has also demonstrated strength of character and willpower as well.
Originally from the northeast town of Ísafjörður, and growing up at a time when “trans” was scarcely heard or seen in contemporary circles, when did the journey to her true self begin?
Education is key
“I think around 12 to 15 years old,” she recalls. “Then I realized something wasn’t quite normal, if you can say so. But at that time in Ísafjörður, there was no internet. No books, nothing.”
At this time it was the 80s, where transness was barely visible to the mainstream eye in the most cosmopolitan of places, let alone late 20th century Iceland. Veiga first recalls seeing trans people mentioned when she was in her early 20s.
Initially, this had little impact on her, “because I was in a relationship and have a son and everything. So I just put it away.”
It’s a good feeling to be home. And that’s just the feeling I have every day now. I’m home.
In retrospect, the lack of representation underscores for Veiga the importance of education about queer matters.
“When I was 13 or 14, I was just wondering if I were gay. Almost all my knowledge of that time was that gay guys were doing drag. And since they are dressing up in women’s clothes, I thought I must be like that. But I had no interest in guys at all!”
When one considers the confusion and suffering that could have been avoided by simply teaching that trans people exist, the importance of queer education at an early age is hard to miss.
Moving abroad, coming home
Veiga moved to Norway in 2012, and longed for feminine presentation every day.
The closet isn’t a nice place for anyone to be, and it was difficult for Veiga as well. She had attempted to take her own life, and privately dressing as a woman gave her “mixed feelings, feeling good and feeling shame.”
“And then on Christmas 2014 I saw pictures of myself,” she says. “I was putting some toys together with my daughter. I was just leaning forward and I could see that I was getting bald. When I saw these pictures, I thought, ‘I cannot be a bald woman’. Before that, I always just had been in denial, but three weeks later, I was seeing a psychiatrist and one year later I started my hormones.”
The process for trans people to get hormones was more difficult at that time, in Norway and Iceland alike. This included long waiting lists, having to endure multiple and humiliating interviews, repeating the same answers to the same questions for months or even years before being allowed to start hormone replacement therapy. Because of this, many trans people elect to circumvent the system and get hormones through other means, which Veiga was also able to do with the help of a gynecologist.
Almost all my knowledge of that time was that gay guys were doing drag. And since they are dressing up in women’s clothes, I thought I must be like that. But I had no interest in guys at all!
Veiga moved back to Iceland in January 2016, one year into taking hormones. Just in the early part of her transition, things got off to a rocky start–mostly due to her own anxieties at how she would be perceived.
“It was quite difficult in the beginning,” she says. “I was really afraid that everybody would judge me and that I would lose my family. I was really depressed. I had been working as a CNC operator for 20 years, working with stainless steel, you know, lathes, milling machines, stuff like that. And I heard my coworkers talk really bad about trans people. There was a real fear that my kids would get bullied because of me.”
However, the process of transitioning meant more to Veiga than mere physical changes; it was also a transformative process on both a psychological and spiritual level.
“Before my transition, I had really, really low self esteem,” she says. “I couldn’t raise my hand and ask a question in a meeting because I was always afraid that people would laugh at me. I didn’t want to have a church wedding ceremony, because I couldn’t handle attention. But after my transition… I mean, if someone had told me then that after five years, I would be doing documentary movies, going into companies and giving lectures, I wouldn’t believe it.”
Against the current
For any folks in their 30s, or 40s, or even older who are wondering if they may be trans, or are even convinced that they are trans but are worried that it may be too late for them to come out, Veiga states flatly: “It’s never too late. This is your life. You should live for yourself, not for somebody else.”
And Veiga is a fine example of living for one’s self. In 2019, she embarked on the quest of circumnavigating Iceland by sea kayak against the ocean current that circles the country–and succeeded.
This journey was recorded by Óskar Páll Sveinsson and the subsequent documentary, Against The Current, has received widespread critical praise as well as winning best Nordic film at the Nordic Adventure Film Festival.
She’s also been working on three separate documentaries, with educational shorts about pollution from fish farms on YouTube to boot.
If someone had told me then that after five years, I would be doing documentary movies, going into companies and giving lectures, I wouldn’t believe it.
Today, Veiga still lives in Ísafjörður, where she says everyone in her small community has been accepting and welcoming of her. Here, Veiga reflects for a moment, and encapsulates the journey of transitioning in one of the best ways I’ve ever heard:
“Sometimes when I try to describe the feeling that I’m feeling everyday now, just in one sentence that everybody can relate to, I talk about how when you have been traveling for a long time, and you’re really tired, and you come home and just sit in your own home again. It’s a good feeling to be home. And that’s just the feeling I have every day now. I’m home.”
You can watch Against The Current on Google Play, iTunes, and numerous other streaming platforms that are only a search engine entry away; catch the trailer here. Stay tuned for more from Veiga soon–surprises are in store!
