Photo / JD Mason, Unsplash

Changing Generations

Queer senior citizens are facing oppression inside retirement homes and the care system. GayIceland has chatted with Svandís Anna Sigurðardóttir and Viðar Eggertsson about the issues, being brave in the fight against aging, and what can be done to help.

Yet the question still remains, why bother trying to make retirement homes more queer anyway? Some argue that they’ll just become queer when more open and accepting generations move in. After all, it’s quite difficult to have a progressive conversation about critical race theory and gender identity with our grandparents. Older generations are set in their ways and often go on long rants with some cringe-worthy language. But we have to meet them where they are, which means avoiding the new complex terms and helping them unpack their sometimes outdated terminology.

“Well this one gay guy I met was kind of alright”

Svandís Anna Sigurðardóttir is working on these issues and many others at the Reykajvik office of Human Rights and Democracy. She knows this well. “That’s a big part of my job, it is a tricky balance between wanting to go in and say “things should be like this, you should be doing that” which is sometimes what I’d like to do (laughs), and hearing some people say like “I don’t know about this trans stuff,” like “I once saw this gay guy and he was kind of alright”,” she jokes. “This is kind of where some people are at. If I start with the pronouns they should be using they’re just going to close their ears and walk out. It’s not going to work. We have to meet people where they are. It’s a really tough balance to strike,” she says.

To level the playing field and speak to this generation in terms they understand it’s more helpful to get them to relate to discrimination they may have experienced. That way they take pause to think “oh, right, maybe what I’m saying is a bit unsavory.” Svandís explains that even though their views on pansexuality and gender determination may not be the same as ours, it’s important that we explain to them the current laws and how things have changed. “When this generation was 10-15 years old, quite a few decades ago, the discussion about gender and sexuality was quite a different thing. If it wasn’t a normal straight relationship it was just “gay” which was “weird.” Just looking at the situation at hand now, this is a group of people, this was their socialization at that time. We have to work within that context, but at the same time respect these new policies and laws. A certain person or group might not agree, but at the end of the day it’s about human rights,” she says.

“When this generation was 10-15 years old, quite a few decades ago, the discussion about gender and sexuality was quite a different thing. If it wasn’t a normal straight relationship it was just “gay” which was “weird.”

“My job is finding a way to make this more understandable,” says Svandís. “I’m not going to dumb the material down, I’m not going to pretend that things aren’t changing, but what I want to do is get people to understand how things are changing and why they should change their viewpoint. That they should get on board.”

Just assume someone here is queer

Svandís Anna Sigurðardóttir, from the Human Rights Office of Reykjavik.

Whenever Svandís is out and about in Reykjavík teaching staff about LGBTQ+ issues, sometimes she has to lay down the law. If someone is uncomfortable with talking about trans people in swimming pool locker rooms, she uses her expertise and knowledge to both support and inform them. “There’s no gray area of “should we be talking about this”,” she says. “It’s the law, we’re supposed to do these things. Just so you know, you’re supposed to do this regardless of what you think,” says Svandís. That way, employees in public institutions can also feel like they have the rules and laws to fall back on. “It’s also to empower them and show them that they’re providing a public service for the elderly, parents, or students.”

The best solution is for institutions to have this training and awareness in place from the beginning, not just when they encounter a trans student or an intersex citizen using city services. “The message is not dissimilar to when I go into a primary school and say “just assume that in every class that you teach there are some queer students,” says Svandís. “Assume that and move forward with that in mind. Make sure that the discourse is queer-friendly because there’s a queer student in that class. Do the same with the elderly. Assume that in this home, group, or whatever that there’s at least one queer person there. And if there isn’t, they might have queer children, queer friends, whatever it might be,” she says.

At the end of the day, if they’re still not getting it, sometimes it helps to have them walk a mile in our shoes. “Sometimes it’s traumatic,” she says. “I go in and have to say “look, can you imagine growing up listening to this stuff, hearing people use words that make fun of you every single day or a really derogatory slur?” Then they say “oh, ok. So I should stop the kids who are teasing others saying “gay, gay, gay” all the time?” Like, yes! Of course, you should be! Every time!” she laughs.

What about the Icelandic countryside?

When asked if this work has an impact in just Reykjavík or if it reaches the surrounding areas, Svandis says. “My work is purely within the city, but we do hear and talk with people outside the city especially within the smaller towns and villages. It can be really lonely and tricky there. You’ve got this one kid that comes out every so often in such a small community.” With about 60% of Iceland’s population living in the capital area, most Icelanders often forget that it’s a different lifestyle in Siglufjörður or Bolungarvík.

Her own family member from the countryside even called for help with a queer student. “I was just talking to my aunt who lives in a small town up north and she’s a teacher. She said “yeah, I’ve got two trans children in school. One of them is gender fluid and is sometimes using different pronouns and names and stuff. And she said, “I don’t know what to do with this!” I’m about to go and teach this child next.”

So I told her, well just go and ask the child. Just say “Hi, this is my name. These are my pronouns. What are yours?” She was mind blown, like of course! So, it’s actually quite simple. Just tell the child to let you know if their pronouns or name changes. And if you mess up, just apologize and move on. These are very easy ways of showing solidarity and respect,” she says.

“Assume that in this home, group, or whatever that there’s at least one queer person there. And if there isn’t, they might have queer children, queer friends, whatever it might be.”

Then, if simple solutions don’t work Svandís and her office have resources that can help. “We’ve got stuff up on our website. Use it! We put it out there as Reykjavik but everyone can access it and we do realize that Reykjavík is one of the only municipalities that has a human rights and democracy office.” She says “most places will have one person who’s the gender equality officer because you’re supposed to have that by law and that person might just be doing that 20% amongst other things. We realize this position we’re in and that we’re quite strong compared to the others but we can always do much much better. So we’re very willing to share and help others if they ask for it.”

Where are all the queer Icelanders over 60?

One of the hardest parts about helping queer elders facing prejudice and oppression in the care system is that it’s incredibly difficult to find and quantify this group of people. There’s just not a lot of research and empirical data on how many older Icelanders identify as queer or how many of them have had issues connected to their sexuality, identity, and healthcare. Many of them also don’t use computers at all, so online surveys are null and void.

This article is brought to you by GayIceland and sponsored by the city of Reykjavík.

Á. Óskarsson
Á. Óskarsson

Á. Óskarsson offers a variety of products and services to sports centers, swimming pools, schools, kindergartens, and the general public. The company specializes in sport-related products, activity-focused games, and a wide range of solutions for sports facilities.

Á. Óskarsson has been involved in numerous big projects related to building sports facilities and has made it their benchmark to offer good quality products and equipment since the company was founded.

See links to social media in the upper left-hand corner

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Á. Óskarsson selur fjölbreytt vöruúrval fyrir íþróttahús, sundlaugar, skóla og leikskóla og einnig ýmsar vörur til einkaafnota. Fyrirtækið selur vörur til íþróttaiðkunnar og leikja ásamt því að bjóða upp á ýmsar lausnir fyrir íþróttamannvirki.

Á. Óskarsson hefur komið að fjölda stórra verkefna við byggingu íþróttamannvirkja og hefur frá stofnun kappkostað að bjóða vandaðar og endingargóðar vörur.

Tenglar á samfélagsmiðla eru í efra horninu vinstra megin.

Webpage/vefsetur

Blush

    Blush was founded in 2011 when it started selling high quality sex products. The goal from the beginning was to change the market and take the discussion about sex products to a higher level. Today Blush provides professional services in a pleasant environment that fulfills different needs, both for individuals and couples. Blush respects diversity and wants to set a good example in all of its messaging to target audiences. Sexual health and equality in sex is important and Blush wants to focus on those issues through education and open discussion. Blush works in a socially responsible manner for society, their customers and the environment.

    Check out Blush’s website: https://blush.is/

    Omnom Chocolate
    - award-winning chocolate maker

      Omnom Chocolate is an Icelandic craft chocolate company based in Reykjavík. We produce handcrafted chocolate from organic cacao beans sourced ethically and sustainably. We’ve developed direct relationships to create premium chocolate with fine flavor cacao beans.

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      In only a few short years, we’ve grown from our 50 sq. m. petrol station space and become an award-winning chocolate maker. Now, with our headquarters in 101 Reykjavík, our chocolate is sent out around Iceland and all over the world.

      At the end of the day, our goal is to make chocolate.

       

      Nasdaq

         

        Nasdaq (Nasdaq: NDAQ) is a global technology company serving the capital markets and other industries. Our diverse offering of data, analytics, software and services enables clients to optimize and execute their business vision with confidence.

        With over 4,300 employees in 39 offices around the world, at Nasdaq we all contribute to the success of the company and its culture, and each one of us has the ability to make a difference. When it comes to our core mission and values, we embrace the role of Diversity, Inclusion and Belonging (DIB) as a fundamental driver of our corporate growth, workplace culture and market development. We strive to create a culture that embraces the power of different perspectives—a culture where people’s unique backgrounds and different experiences helps us fuel innovation and support our clients around the world.

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        Blue Lagoon
        - One of the 25 Wonders of the World

        Named by National Geographic as one of the 25 Wonders of the World, the Blue Lagoon is a shimmering expanse of warmth, relaxation, and rejuvenation. Its unique geothermal seawater
        comes from 2.000 meters within the earth where seawater and freshwater converge in a tectonic realm of porous lava and searing heat. Propelled by extreme pressure, the water ascends to the earth’s surface, emerging enriched with silica, algae, and minerals—the elements that endow Blue Lagoon geothermal seawater with its radiant, healing properties.

        From its humble beginnings in the shadows of a geothermal power plant, Blue Lagoon has evolved into a world of wonder, now encompassing two hotels, three restaurants, three
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        Achieving harmony with the volcanic landscape, the lagoon and its surrounding architecture embody the unification of the man-made and the natural, and adhere to the highest principles of sustainability.

        The Blue Lagoon. A wonder of the world. A world of wonder.

        Landsbankinn
        - leading financial institution
        Landsbankinn

        Landsbankinn is a leading Icelandic financial institution. It offers a full range of financial services and is the market leader in the Icelandic financial service sector with the largest branch network.

        The present bank was established on 7 October 2008 but the history of its predecessor dates back to 1886. The bank is owned by the National Treasury of Iceland, which holds 98.2% of its share capital, and other shareholders who own 1.8%.

        Landsbankinn’s strategy is to provide comprehensive financial services that meet customer’s needs. It emphasizes providing exemplary service to customers, developing e-banking for their convenience, increasing the efficiency of support functions, modernizing its technology and ensuring effective utilization of its balance sheet.

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        Landsbankinn wishes to lead the development of a sustainable society in Iceland by integrating economic, social and environmental concerns in its operations. The Bank aims to ensure that both its owners and society at large benefit from its activities.

        It intends to achieve this aim by building solid infrastructure and a strong team of 1.100 employees, by listening to its customers and by respecting and encouraging its employees to actively participate in their community. Landsbankinn was a founding member of Festa, a Centre for Corporate Social Responsibility, and is a member of the UN Global Compact.

        Landsbankinn has been a proud sponsor of the Reykjavik Pride since it was first celebrated in Iceland.

        Dohop
        - get inspired
        Dohop

        Dohop allows people to find the cheapest flights available with just one click. Founded in Reykjavik in 2004, it is the only Icelandic company of its kind and quickly became the go-to tool for finding cheap flights among the locals. Dohop finds the best deals among hundreds of different airlines and online travel agencies, to make sure that the user is getting the cheapest price. Dohop also offers hotel and car rental search engines, so users can make all of their travel bookings from a single website.

        Dohop‘s specialty is finding so-called “self-connect” flight options, which can save travelers money by booking a ticket through two or more different airlines. The ability to look for these self-connect option is what sets Dohop apart from its competition, as it can save people hundreds of dollars on certain routes.

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        VSÓ Ráðgjöf

           

          VSÓ Ráðgjöf er alhliða ráðgjafar- og verkfræðifyrirtæki sem leggur áherslu á trausta og faglega þjónustu sem tryggir viðskiptavinum hagkvæmustu lausnir hverju sinni, skilar raunverulegum árangri og stuðlar að samkeppnisforskoti.  Á skrifstofum VSÓ í Reykjavík og í Noregi starfar yfir 80 manna samhentur hópur verkfræðinga og annarra tæknimenntaðra starfsmanna.

          Macland
          - for all your Apple needs
          Macland

          From starting out as a proper startup with only a good idea and the need to change things, to becoming an established company with 6 employees. Starting from scratch and expanding organically has allowed us to love our expansion and take our customers on the ride with us.

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          For all your Apple needs. We are here.

          Ísey skyr
          - once tasted never forgotten

          Our Story
          Once upon a time, 1,100 years ago in fact, Nordic settlers began arriving in Iceland. They brought with them the skills and knowledge for producing skyr. As time passed, the know-how and recipe for this nutritious food slowly faded out elsewhere in the Nordic region. Luckily, the Icelandic skyr-making tradition continued.

          For centuries, Icelandic skyr formed a cornerstone of the national diet, helping to keep people strong in living conditions that were often harsh. On family farms countrywide, it was the women who nurtured this dairy and passing on both the recipe and the original Icelandic skyr cultures from mother to daughter.

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          This is our secret and you are in on it

          You can read more about Ísey skyr on our website.

          Contact Us


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