“People tend to get the idea that lesbians don’t like to be fucked (as in getting something long and hard up their muffin) but this statement is plainly wrong.”
Soon it will be three years since I came out as a lesbian. These years have been the best of my life, full of new people, experiences and vision on life. Also full of weird new questions that I have been asked regarding my sexuality. Many of these questions are very fun to answer, others are just plain stupid. But it’s always a pleasure to be asked, even though it can be a little tiring at times. Well, most of the times.
– By Apríl Smáradóttir.
I’m not talking about those obvious typical questions like “What did your parents say when you told them?” or “For how long have you known?” These questions are understandable. But when it gets too plain out stupid like “Why are you gay?” I find myself driven to make a list of all the dummy questions we get way too often. With the help from my fellow gay sisters and hope that the list will get some load of our backs, I’ll bring you a few examples that we hope and pray you will think about before you ask:
“How do girls even sleep together? Is it all just foreplay and scissors?” This one makes me giggle every time. Especially because of the face impression people have when they ask…. They know there’s no other way to ask about this subject and are too curious not to. We actually get this one extremely often so we start answering in similar fashion. “Yes, the only way for us to have sex is to put our vaginas close together, in a special magical way. We bond through our inner selves and souls… a little like in the movie Avatar actually.” Don’t get me wrong, scissoring is a thing we do. But that position is occasional and for many gay girls that position is not on the top of their list, ever. That does not include myself.
“Why are you gay? How can you possibly know?” Notice our face impression when you have asked this. Why are you straight? And how can you possibly know? Think about it.
“But how can a girl like you…” “Because I wear dresses, makeup and have long hair I shouldn’t and couldn’t possibly prefer girls?” “Well you are just too pretty to…” “Why thank you! But you aren’t honestly serious are you?” I’m speaking for all my fellow lipstick lesbian sisters. It’s unbearable how often we get this question. It’s like we would ask every short-haired woman out there how they could possibly like men! It’s all about the inner self, not how you look like. Come on people, this is a cliché. You should know this.
“Isn’t it weird in the woman’s locker room? Do you peek?” Not more than other straight girls do. And they do it a lot. We are girls. We compare. It’s in our nature. I really think that the locker room is the last place we think about our sexual needs. We respect those women around us and we actually try to act as less gay as we can. Because it’s like we think that they can actually see that we are gay, leaving them extremely paranoid around us. This is of course complete nonsense but our biggest fear is that other women feel uncomfortable around us because of our sexuality. So no, we don’t “peek” that way.
Boy: “Can I interest you with a threesome?” No.
Girl: “You know I’m not gay right? I’m not hitting on you by talking to you.” Oh!
You’re not? Oh because I thought we had something going on here, since I’m a lesbian and I clearly hit on every female there is…. Seriously, get over yourself.
“It’s just a phase right?” All right, I’ll admit there is a group of girls that had their lesbian phase in their late teens. But those who are way over their twenties and have only had gay relationships, do not look at boys whatsoever. They define themselves as lesbians… and are not going through a phase.
“Which one is the girl and which one is the boy in the relationship?” How about this, we are both the girl in the relationship. One prefers to do other things than the other, and maybe is tougher or softer but yet again, what relationship isn’t it like that?
“Do lesbians have their periods?” I don’t have the time nor the patience to answer this one. Moving on…
Boy: “How do you know you’re gay if you have never slept with a man?” How many boys did you ride before you knew you were straight?
“Then why do you use dildos and strapons if you don’t like dicks?” Look… it isn’t about us not liking having something in there. People tend to get the idea that lesbians don’t like to be fucked (as in getting something long and hard up their muffin) but this statement is plainly wrong. Being gay isn’t all about sex… you know.
“You just haven’t been fucked like I do, you have to meet someone to show you how it’s done with a real man.” This is just disturbing.
“What can I do to make you change your mind?” I can’t… I just. Well, no comment.
“If you like girls, why do you date girls who look JUST LIKE BOYS!” It’s just the look I like, just like if someone likes brunettes over blondes or one type over another. It’s the same thing in the straight world…right?
“Do you consider yourself as a boy, in a girls body?” Nope.
“Lesbians are in an endless need for attention, they always have to show off their sexuality.” By this statement I assume you are referring when we hold hands and kiss in public that’s showing off our sexuality. If that is desperately calling for attention, then straight people must be the most attention seeking whores there are. If you don’t like what you see in public, then just kindly turn your head away and get used to the fact that people fall in love in this world, gay or straight.
And finally… This bad boy: “Everyone! This is xxxx, she is a lesbian!!!” And then we awkwardly smile and wave. Please do not do this to us.