OPINION Sexually harassing or undermining your colleagues is not “just jokes” or “roasting”. It wouldn’t be acceptable in any other work place so why is it acceptable at comedy nights and clubs, asks comedian Kimi Tayler.
So I get extremely anxious about sharing anything that isn’t promotional on social media these days..to be honest I just want to tell jokes. But with friends and comedy colleagues coming forward I feel like I have a responsibility to say something.
From my first meetings with the comedians I reached out to as mentors, they told me; what to wear, objectified me, and told me directly to hide my sexual-orientation so that “men would still like” me.
“When I first begun my comedy career in Iceland I let many behaviours slide, fearing that my time would be cut down, or I’d be cut altogether if I called it out.”
When I first begun my comedy career in Iceland I let many behaviours slide, fearing that my time would be cut down, or I’d be cut altogether if I called it out. This is not unique to Iceland, this is a fear for every performer who isn’t straight, white and Male in every comedy scene in every city in the world. The truth is we have probably all compromised ourselves and stayed silent for stage time.
I have listened to sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, racist, xenophobic (..the list goes) content on and off stage…justifying that by putting up with it, staying quiet and “playing nice” I could at least show there was a different way of doing things when I got behind the mic. This was wrong and I should have called it out every damn time. And I don’t and I haven’t because selfishly I have still wanted to retain my time and platform. I have tried to create ultimatums where I won’t perform on lineups with certain people (usually missing out on the spots myself as the other comedians in question have a degree of power despite their disgusting stance and/or behaviour) but I’ve not been consistent in this, and I will try my best to do better, to be less of a hypocrite and to use my platform more when it needs calling out there and then. Being honest I don’t always feel strong enough to do this but I will try.
I’ve had unwanted hands touching me under tables after gigs and was too scared and embarrassed to draw attention to it. I’ve been gaslit and undermined. Called a whore. And I’ve been threatened with sexual assaults veiled as jokes…
“If you weren’t a lesbian I would rape you.”
And I’m sorry if that sentence makes you feel uncomfortable- it’s one of the worst things I’ve ever had said to me and the perpetrator was too off his face to probably even remember saying it- but I do. I feel uncomfortable and sick every time I see this person perform, every time people laugh at his jokes, and every time I think about it. I didn’t tell anyone for 6 months after it was said to me because *I* felt too much shame. These words had such a violent effect on me that it stopped me from showing up to gigs, from wanting to be around other comedians who I didn’t believe had my back and I felt unsafe. This sentence made me want to give up comedy entirely. But I didn’t.
Just last week I was told how great it was that 4 women were on a line up, followed by, “I thought I could smell clams in here.”
“I’ve had unwanted hands touching me under tables after gigs and was too scared and embarrassed to draw attention to it. I’ve been gaslit and undermined. Called a whore. And I’ve been threatened with sexual assaults veiled as jokes … ”
I expect a few of you are thinking if you can’t handle the scene, just stop doing it..but why should I? I’m a good comedian and feeling safe onstage and backstage shouldn’t be too much to ask should it? It’s the bare minimum. Sexually harassing or undermining your colleagues is not “just jokes” or “roasting”. It wouldn’t be acceptable in any other work place so why is it acceptable at comedy nights and clubs?
We need to hold ourselves, our industry and comedy colleagues accountable. Be better. Do better. The next generation of performers deserve that.